Category: family

sawsaw pa more sa barretto brouhaha (in defense of tsismis)

no, it’s not just us pinoys who are tsismoso, as pat-p daza suggested (or is it opined) on dzmm teleradyo.  gossiping is a universal human predilection, we are wired to gossip and to be receptive to gossip, not just for distraction or entertainment but as a matter of survival.

read  in defense of tsismis” [below], a 1996 column I wrote for jarius bondoc’s radical all-opinion tabloid where I quote evolutionary psychologist robin wright [The Moral Animal 1994] at the height of the gabby concepcion – jenny syquia scandal.  read too the new york timesGo ahead. Gossip may be virtuous. [2002], the guardian’s  In defence of gossip: no better way to navigate life’s flawed relationships [2015], and psychology today’s  Addicted to gossip?” [2016]

medyo level-up pa nga itong barretto bruhaha compared to the usual showbiz scandals involving sex videos, love triangles, broken marriages, adulterous relationships, abusive or two-timing partners, lgbtq+ closets and out-of-closets atbp. because this one is, above all, about FAMILY, and the sisters’ slaphappy showdown at their father’s wake–everyone (burgis and masa alike) agrees–was inappropriately wild and uncivilized, and because (beyond the juicy tidbits and sideswipes) the fact and context of family looms large and touches us all.

the reaction that most resonates with me is that of pinoys who are also members of big families, like the barretto’s seven sibs: nag-aaway din naman kaming magkakapatid, pero never naming dinadaan o pinapaabot sa sampalan at sabunutan, sipaan at sapakan.  

true.  family conflicts can, and should, be settled amicably, but every one concerned has to be willing to rise above self-interest for the good of the whole.  it’s also good for the soul, and good for the karma.

In defense of tsismis
Isyu 23 January 96

Natabunan nga ba ng Jenny-Gabby scandal ang EVAT, jueteng, at iba pang isyu? Dapat nga bang lubay-lubayan ng media ang katsitsismis about the private hells of the rich and famous dahil wala naman itong katututuran except as escapist fare for the poor and obscure?  read on…

sibling rivalry, the abby & junjun show

it happens in the best of families.  siblings grow apart, each to one’s own life.  ideally the blood-and-flesh bond and the shared upbringing and values prove tight, and are passed on; ideally the family remains united across nuclear units, down generations.  but this is rare.  especially among families dealing with inheritance and entitlement issues, sincere sibling rivalries are not surprising, if not the norm.

in the case of the binays, we are seeing how bad it can get when sibs squabble over the mayor’s seat.  why can’t abby and junjun just take turns?   e kasi, hindi sila bati.  parang mga bata except that the stakes are so high.  each thinks he/she has the upper hand, abby because as far as she knows everything’s good and everyone’s happy in makati under her watch, junjun because he has supporters from the mayor’s office telling him it’s otherwise, pipol miss the binay PR that abby doesn’t have, or so it is said.

imbiyerna si abby, of course, at parang nakwerdasan.  kesyo kung me diperensiya pala ang palakad niya sa makati, bakit hindi siya sinabihan ni junjun, then she could have done something about it, or something like that.  and kesyo her brother forgets yata that he is banned from running for or holding public office, remember that graft case?  eh, teka, say ng COMELEC okay lang because the case is still on appeal.

so, binay vs. binay sa makati.  ay mali.  binay vs. campos, say ni junjun. (campos is abby’s married name, which no doubt helped win hubby luis one of two makati seats in congress.)  SEXIST! tili ni abby,  binay daw siya forever!  yeah right, but campos too, when it suits her.  no sympathy from women, i’m afraid.

the real question is, totoo ba na abby has dad jojo’s ok to run for re-election?  totoo ba ang tsismis na si abby ang favorite ni jojo, sorry na lang si junjun?  but we don’t know that for sure yet.  magfa-family council pa daw, say ni senator nancy; it will be a collective decision.

but ‘twould be interesting to see this abby-junjun show to a decisive finish.  kulang nga ba sa karinyo si abby?  may panalo nga ba si junjun?  it might even be kinda solomonic with a twist, as in, go fight each other, go make spectacles of yourselves, binay vs. binay, never mind how bad it makes the family look, and let the people decide.  my god, makati will rock and, maybe, crack, who knows.  maybe it’s how to undo a dynasty.

nita herrera-umali berthelsen (1923-2014)

she was my mother‘s youngest sister, the writer i wanted to be like when i grew up.  sharing here an essay she wrote sometime around independence day the 4th of july 1946.  little more than four years later her eldest brother narciso, congressman of quezon province, was falsely accused of and jailed for murder and communist-coddling, this in the time of the huks and lansdale and magsaysay, in aid of increased military aid from america.  it was like tia nita had sadly seen into a troubled future a country still in the shadow of the stars and stripes.

JUST WHERE ARE WE?
Nita H. Umali

–And of course the proper answer, the one I should quite emphatically give myself, would be, “Why, stupid, it is almost dawn, the light is seeping in! A new day is being born. Why do you close your eyes to it? And why do you turn your back to the sun?” Maybe it is because I am nearsighted, physically and otherwise, and I am afraid of dazzling glares, and because emotionally I am not looking through rose-colored glasses.

This, of course, is striking a discordant note somewhere, and at such a time as this is very improper. I just hope that on the very day of July four the afternoon mist is here to make me realize that all are not sharp angles, except in my noonday imaginations.

Yes, freedom is here and hundreds of years ago they started to gather the bricks for the stronghold that we have today. Women in long, swishing skirts and upswept hair, going to Church in slipper-shod feet, whispering to God that their men should be saved. Mangled bodies and wet blood smelted and the foundation laid. Time went on, and the materials for building were not so dearly priced, until a few years ago, the iron yoke was laid on our backs. Once more, women, now in short skirts, their wooden shoes punctuating the hush in the chapel, asked from God. Not whispered prayers, but in silent supplication, because spoken words were so dangerous. Maimed limbs, numb minds, and closed mouths. The flame of the blood red sun trying to engulf them, and the blood of past ages and the present day flowing by their feet, urging them on, to fight for freedom, for the greater glory.

And now we shall get it. By a piece of paper, signed and sealed, everything will be different. Or will it? Will there be a change in us as we go to class, or walk the streets? Will our way of thinking, our mode of reasoning, alter? Will our country, with all its men and women, its strong-willed leaders, its weak officials, its priests, and lawyers and doctors, its teachers and bandits, its carefree youths and discontented peasants, its beggars and criminals, will she, the Philippines, with her tropic skies and lazy palms, that small group of islands, after long years of restfully reclining on the solid hunk that is America, will she learn to stand erect, unsupported, even on a pair of wobbly feet?

We have what we want, what every other dependent nation has long wanted — we have it in our hands; shall we let it slip away? Will the four freedoms that we have fought for, will it, be just a mockery to what we are? The present dust of Manila is in our eyes, and the dust of the world in our consciousness. The way is dim and shadowy, and though now and then there are erratic shafts of light, still the sudden brightness of tomorrow may blind us.

Faith, hope, and love, those age old standards, these are the sole supports we have, the beacons that are here to guide us, as we leave the protecting shadows of the stars and stripes, and venture forth into a new life that is but a continuity to the old.

the clipping is posted on her facebook page managed by daughter karen. https://www.facebook.com/nitaumaliberthelsen

What is there

Posted by Daryll Delgado on Facebook
6 Dec 3:48 am

There is a man covered in mud from his bald head to his bare feet, walking towards and waving at my brother, Derek, unaware that he is unrecognizable. Until he and Derek arrive at the same house, A__’s house, then Derek realizes that this is A__’s father who had fought against, swum under, and finally just gave himself up to the muddy ocean that had engulfed his house, his neighborhood, his entire village.

There are two girls, who pass them by, walking barefoot but briskly, their faces streaked with dirty tears, their eyes scared, their bodies rigid. There are many others walking, walking, walking, and picking up pieces from the debris, and then walking some more. My sister, Aimee, and her husband are among them, as they try to get to her husband’s family in a subdivision close to the sea. There is a woman, they say, who is not walking, she is just standing, in the middle of the street, while people walk by her in a daze. She is wailing, damo’n patay, damo hin duro an patay! When they get to the subdivision, there are indeed bodies being moved from the streets to the small chapel. One of the casualties is our dear uncle, a cousin and very good friend to our dad.

There is a woman on the side of the street, but she is not wailing, not moving, not walking. She is lying on her back. She has extraordinarily thin arms and legs, and a very swollen belly. People cover their nose and mouth when they pass her, but they do not cover their eyes. This is one of the first sights we see, when my husband and I arrive in Tacloban City.

There is a child frozen in the act of crawling out of a shelf or a cabinet. His body is upside down, his head is twisted unnaturally to the side, and one hand is missing. There are dogs, many dogs, sniffing the rubble and debris for their masters, or for food, and one of them walks away with a child’s hand between his fangs.

There are men walking out of the mall, helping each other carry an exercise machine, a freezer, a 50-plus-inch led TV screen. There is a woman carrying a mannequin all by herself, and a family of three in Santa hats merrily walking down the street with a shopping cart full of nothing but canned baby formula milk. There are others who scavenge for clothes, my brother Dennis tells us, and they come out of the department store dressed as super heroes and villains, Spider Man, Super Man,and Penguin.

There is a rumor going around, said a friend of ours whose family is taking shelter in our house : Tacloban is gone. Strong winds had sucked out the entire bay and threw it all up very violently onto streets,houses, offices, churches, hospitals, schools, restaurants, hotels. There is another rumor: It will all happen again very soon, and the waves will be much higher, the current stronger and even more ferocious this time.

There are suddenly even more people on the streets, running as fast as they can to the hills, to the hills! By evening, there is a sight no one has ever seen – the mountains are illuminated from the foot to the peak with people’s flash lights, candles, torches.

There is still, for all intents and purposes, a house. There is no roof, no ceiling, no windows, no book shelves or books, but there is still a winding staircase with elaborate balusters and steps made from dark hard wood slabs on which the rainwater cascades like grand waterfalls when itrains. And there is a black granite floor that collects the water into many puddles the kids like to trample and splash on.

There is a room on the ground floor where the family used to congregate every night when the parents were still alive. It is now being slept in by strangers who have traveled from distant lands – Iran, Israel, America,Bolivia, South Africa – to clear the streets, feed the hungry, slowly revive the city.

There are two old trees that used to partly hide the house from the street with its thick foliage, birds’ nests, and intricate branches reaching into the balcony. They are now leafless and branchless, and nestless. The barks have been peeled off and, at night, under a bright moon, the trunks look like the ghosts of two pale, old men stranded between this world and another.

There are firelies all of a sudden, and crickets, but no birds, my sister-in-law, Debbie, notices.

There is a rumor about that other rumor, Dennis tells the strangers who have become friends and family to us now. The city mayor’s daughter, Chona May, had been washed away and her mother, the beautiful city councilor who used to be a movie starlet, had screamed and screamed: “Chona May! Chona May!” Her screams pierced the silence and absolute darkness of the evening, waking people in San Jose from their nightmares. “Chunami daw, chunami!” And that’s how everyone suddenly scrambled to their feet, fled out of the city and into the hills, in fear of a chunami or tsunami.

There is a truth and there is a lie, my brother says. The mayor’s daughter did not really perish, and he doesn’t even have a daughter named Chona May, but it is true that his beautiful wife is the city councilor and she did used to be a star.

There are people who do not like this joke, but some people laugh, for the first time, and a little of the old sparkle return briefly to their weary eyes.

(With reports from Dennis, Derek, Aimee, Dandee, Debbie, William, and random friends and strangers in Tacloban)