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08 February 1989

Bongga 8 Feb 1989

Alam ba ninyo na mas madali na palang magpa-annul ng marriage these days? During the period 1981 – 1987 daw, 115 marriages were annulled by the Catholic Church in Metro Manila, out of 575 cases filed (People’s Journal 29 Jan 89).

Samantala, under the Civil Code rin, nag-a-annul na ng marriage kapag napapatunayan na ang isa sa partners ay psychologically incapable of complying with essential marital obligations. Ang pinag-uusapan nga raw ngayon sa Konggreso ay ang pag-recognize sa legality ng annulments sanctioned by the Church. Ipinaglalaban din na annulments granted by all churches, not just by the Catholic Church, be recognized by the State.

Dati, kailangan pang pumunta sa Rome, sa Vatican, para mag-file for annulment of a marriage. Napakahigpit ng simbahan noon about the sanctity of the marriage bond. Ke baliw, ke inutil ang isa o ang dalawa, ke matagal nang hindi nag-uusap, ke matagal nang hiwalay, walang effect sa priests and bishops. What God has put together, say nila, let no man put asunder.

I suppose dapat ngang ikatuwa na mas realistic na ngayon ang simbahan, na mas nagre-respond na ito sa felt needs ng flock. However, it is not enough na mabigyan ng way out ang married couples who can’t hack it. It is just as important to reinforce, affirm, exalt, and further inspire couples for whom marriage works, and newly-weds who want their marriage to work, and singles who hope to marry and make it work.

While there are no hard figures on how many marriages break up relative to how many are contracted, alam nating marami-rami ito. Ang dami nating kilala, di ba, na hiwalay, na may iba nang asawa, whether public figures or personal friends or extended family. At wala silang pakialam about church and state laws (lalo na when there’s not much property to fight over). In fact, hindi na nakakagulat pag may nababalitaan tayong bagong hiwalay. Pangkaraniwang happening na kasi.

Para ngang mas nagugulat tayo ngayon, at nai-impress pa, by marriages that endure. Lalo na among generations below 50. At dapat lang. Dahil it’s not a matter of luck but commitment; when a marriage lasts, it’s because the two people involved work hard at it. Di ba’t yan din ang sinabi ni Susan Roces kay Dina Bonnevie?

Marriage takes a certain level of maturity, yun bang hindi puwedeng self-centered o ego-tripping pa ang isa o ang dalawa dahil tiyak na magkakabangaan, magkakaisahan, magkakaapihan.

Ideally, when conflicts arise between man and wife, love moves each one to give in to the other, or at least to meet the other halfway, for the sake not of self or the other but for the sake of the marriage, that is, of a highly valued relationship. Talagang matututo kang magbigay, bumigay, na napakahirap atnapakasakit pag hindi ka sanay. Pero when it’s happening on both sides, little by little it dawns on you na ang ganda, ang sarap, kasi you gain in insight about yourself, about your mate, about love, and about life.

Hiwalayan is the easy way out. From the point of view nga of astrology, it’s only a temporary way out. Usually, yung tinakbuhan mo from a broken marriage or relationship – whether rational, emotional, physical, or even economic in nature – is what you will have to confront again in the second one, and the third, hangga’t hindi mo ito hinaharap at nalalampasan. Karma, ika nga.

Kaya sana may advice column na rin si Susan Roces for marriages in crisis. Sabi nga ni Dina, maybe her marriage wouldn’t have broken up if she had Susan to consult in the midst of it. Sige na naman, Tita Susan. Anyway Helen Vela can do with some competition. Besides, it’s obvious that marriage isn’t her cup of tea.

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